I feel like Im in a midlife crisis. Quarter life crisis? I really don't know what I want to do or like to do. Every interest I have just fades off after awhile. When will I know what I love to do? And be able to achieve it? So many things I'd love to do. But am not able to do. Either financially or I just suck at it. Never in my life have I been so enthusiastic about something that I'll go all out to achieve it. I want that spark, that drive.

Ever since I made the decision to live life the right way, it's been tough. So tough. Once again I am proved right that guys all want one thing. No matter what they say. Really, that's all that's in their minds.

I really don't know how people get through their lives everyday without meaning. The aunty on the bus I see everyday, the people I interact with everyday. I wonder how it's like to be them. I wonder what's running through their mind as they go on in life.

My only comfort is in God really. I think I would have crumbled if not for him. I think that's how people become crazy. I mean literally, lose their minds. The mind is such a powerful tool. The power of thought. Really makes or breaks a person.

Yet I am afraid, I'm afraid to draw near. This irrational fear. It's stupid. So stupid I know.

Has anyone ever thought that God would think that the sadness they're feeling is deserved? Because we chose to disobey and not heed his word, we have to suffer for it and hence we deserve it?