How long can a person stay in denial? 

When someone feels like they've reached the end of the rope and when there's no one there to pull them back, will they fall? And fall into what? A river of depressing thoughts? A tsunami of self hatred? A bottomless pit filled with people telling you that you're not good enough? 

All my life all I've ever been good in has been running away. Whenever I go to a workplace I don't like or can't fit in I just quit. I just give up and run away. Just like that. 

What happens when I cannot run away anymore? 

Has anyone else ever felt like they have been trying to be the best they can be but yet despite that still nobody likes you? 

I may not be the nicest or most compassionate or unselfish or helpful person around but I'm definitely not the worst. Or am I just the worst in my circle of friends? The small circle that I have? 

Am I that bad a friend? If I am please tell me. Please tell me so that I can become a 'not so bad friend' 

 Because I'm at the end of the rope and I don't know what I'll be falling into. 

Because life has no restart button. And I'm sure if there was, things might just turn out to be the same again because I'm not that strong. Im might not be strong enough to change anything. 

And because deep deep down I know the reason why I need to keep myself busy but I just refuse to admit it or even say it out because it's just that embarrassing.  

Dear God, 

May I find peace in your presence. Because without you I am nothing. You use the weak to feed the strong. Use me. In your presence I am renewed, renew me. In you II will be still and soar on wings like eagles, for you are lord of all. Lord let your sovereignty reign in my life. May I learn to love you more and more each day, such that things that matter to me now will not matter because all that matters is you. Help me to get to such a stage where I cannot be found but when people see me they see you, because I want to disappear. I want to become you. Perfect... Help me lord for I am weary