This is gonna be a totally random post because there are just so many things going through my head right now.

Firstly, Ive been really into DIY works. Heres some of the things I did. Maybe I have too much free time now that I dont have a night job. Totally feeling the pinch without the extra income already :(

Next, Im just wondering why, why isit that the one we like never likes us and the ones we dont like always like us? In what way am I inferior to her? 

Was passing by the place where you gave me a piggyback and the scene just flashed across my mind. Again and again. Over and over again. Maybe its just the emotional period, but these days, im just reminded of how nice it was to be in a relationship. and no, I am not desperate for a boyfriend. Nor am i seeking for attention. Just sometimes, I miss the memories we shared. and I wonder if you ever think of them like I do.

These days, the only way I get by is living by the mantra that when youre single, all you see are happy ouples, which is exactly what Ive been seeing. Everyday everywhere.And when you're in a relationship, all you see are happy singles. I cant say im able to see both sides, but everytime i think of  our memories, i just push it away and distract myself. 

do you think its more then a crush if after three months of not talking, i can walk by and just see your face and feel happy? I know its totally freaky. Like im some psycho, but the truth is everytime i see you, i just smile involuntarily. And even though noe im like so annoyed with you that you just refuse to get closer and allow us to know each other more, i still think of stuff like... us. and how nice it would be. 

But its all just an idealistic daydream. 

Last thing thats been floating around in my mind is my horrible moodswings. I just cant seem to get rid of them. And i keeptaking them out on other people and thats not cool. 

its been tough at home these days, not for me, but for everyone else. Daddy seems discouraged and drained out from having to handles mum;s menopause and depression and bro's attitude, mum's just being depressed and i have no idea whats going on in her head. and bro is just being the same old cold him. 

And for me, my life just seems like a mess. It's much better then efore already, at least im right with God now. But its still just like a puzzle piece with a hell lot of missing pieces. I dont even know where to begin fixing it. Internships, Work, School, Family. Everyday I wake up and just aim to get past the day. It is not supposed to be like that.

Is God asking me to step out in faith like Abraham? to leave my workplace ( and mu bonus T.T) to go into a foreign land, doing things I dont know how to do? 

Oh God. Help me.