My dear brother,

Why did you give me that ray of hope if you were gonna let it come crashing down again? Just when I gave up on you, you turned around and seemed to get better, nicer, more sensible. So much so that I decided to give you another chance despite all that happened. It might have  been a small thing to others, but my heart still races when you talk to me, my blood pounds when you knock on my door. Instantly. The fear instilled within. The natural instinct to run from you. But I was willing to give you another shot, feeling that you finally came around.

And then it's back. The same old you. Why do you have to compare so much? So what if mum and dad are paying for alil of my school fees first? I'm sure if you asked, they would do everything within their means to help you as well. Just that you don't need their help. Why so sensitive? This small thing. Why blow it up? I really don't get you. I really really don't. Nobody even knows whats going on in your life. Are you happy? Are you really happy living this way? Maybe I never even should have tried talking to you again. All it did was give mum and dad more stress cos of you throwing your tantrum again.

And through it all, mum and dad have never ever given up on you. Even with all the stress you've caused for the whole family. They still accept you and love you, when are you going to come around? When are you going to see that they will not always be here for us?  They are getting old already. When are you going to give back a little of what they've given us?

At the end of the day, when I'm all alone, no matter how busy I make myself, how tired I am, all these feelings never seem to go away...