Sometimes it is just so hard to be yourself. In a world that unconsciously judges everyone that passes by.
Everyone is caught in the rat race of doing better, looking better, and being well liked.

Today one of my colleague asked me to help her collect a cake from the kitchen and pass it to her outside my workplace and my immediate thought was "why can't you collect it yourself instead of inconveniencing others" and all day long this nagged at the back of my mind. 

Yesterday, a grandma of a friend of mine passed away and we were going to the wake last minute. All thoughout the journey I was whining about how tired I was and that I had to work early the next day.

Why is it so difficult for me to just do something out of kindness for another person?!

Then I thought, the fact that my colleague asked me to help her collect the cake shows that I am someone that she knows will help her because she asked me and not someone else. And in the end when I passed her the cake, she shoved an ang pow into my hands. And my mood immediately lifted.

Somehow this gives me a sneak peak into what I really am - someone who doesn't like doing things that I didn't get anything in return for. And I don't like it.

Lay up treasures in heaven, not on earth. I want to do things without complaining and happily from now on. Easier said then done but with christ anything is possible.